


Love, don't leave me

by MeglomaniaAndFear



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Dark Rey (Star Wars), Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, No reylo, Post TLJ, Pre TROS, Reyux, Slow Burn, TROS what TROS?, darkside Rey Au, major character death is not hux or rey, no kylux - Freeform, sorry folks, this is a reyux only fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:09:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27762019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeglomaniaAndFear/pseuds/MeglomaniaAndFear
Summary: This fic takes place after TLJ, and uses some elements of TROS but basically completely ignores TROS.Tormented by Kylo Ren's repeated attempts at flirtation through their force bond, Rey travels to Dathomir against Leia's advice to seek a way to destroy their force bond. The answers she finds scare her, but as her friendships within the resistance wane and fade due to her constant irritation and conversations with someone no one else can see, she becomes increasingly tempted... And there are other temptations too... If Rey falls to the darkside, who will be there to catch her?
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Rey
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	1. On a darkside planet

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who's back with a brand new fic... that no one asked for. Yes I should finish what I started. But MOM I will! But first, have some Darkside Rey.

Dathomir.

Rey stomped through the swamp, ignoring the way that the murky water splashed up and stained her formerly white tunic, leggings and arm wraps. She was too lost in her thoughts to care, and besides, there was already some coagulated rancor blubber on her boots from one of the beasts she had been forced to fight earlier in her travels. Leia had told her that she was not strong enough in the Lightside of the force to come to Dathomir; Leia had said she could easily fall to the pull of the Darkside in such a place. Leia was wrong. 

She thought about what had brought her to Dathomir: the force bond with Kylo Ren that just wouldn’t leave her alone. Sometimes he contacted her deliberately, other times she just got uncontrolled glimpses into his life. On the most recent occasion, she had been speaking to Finn about his feelings for her, trying to let him down gently. Then the force bond had spasmed into life and suddenly she was seeing Kylo force choking an officer on the finalizer that she couldn’t see. So, naturally, she had shouted “go away you ronto-brained turd, I can’t deal with you right now”, and then, naturally, Finn had thought she meant him. Finn was distraught. Rey was distraught. And though she had apologised and been forced to explain about the force bond to Finn, who had seemed to understand, he still seemed a little hurt and wary. Their friendship was strained, and nothing could have hurt Rey more; Finn was her family. Her only family. 

So, she had meditated on it, but she found no peace or solace in her meditation, she just felt anguish. After several hours of silent meditation, sat crossed legged, tears rolling down her cheeks, she was eventually absorbed into a vision of Dathomir, where she saw a Sith holocron. The vision had whispered to her that she would find a way to sever the force connection if she went to Dathomir. She had jumped up hopefully and ran to Leia’s office, she had explained the force bond to Leia with great embarrassment, she had even had to mention Kylo Ren’s repeated and very much unwanted attempts at seduction and his intrusions in her daily life. She’d explained the Finn debacle. And then she mentioned the vision of Dathomir. Leia looked alarmed and concerned and told Rey she wasn’t strong enough in the Light. She forbade Rey going to Dathomir.

Rey was beginning to tire of constantly being underestimated. “No Rey”, she was constantly told, “you can’t come on this mission with the rest of the Resistance, because you need to train more”. Instead of doing her part and fighting for the Resistance, Rey had been dragged around with Leia to meet many politicians and local leaders who had once supported the Republic, Leia hoping that if they saw the Resistance’s resident Jedi in action they would begin to offer support and funding again. Rey knew they needed the funding, but these trips were mostly unsuccessful. If only Rey had a credit for each of them that was surprised by her petite stature and feminine looks, that doubted that she was really ‘the Jedi that Kylo Ren feared’. Then perhaps she could single-handedly fund the Resistance. That said, the moniker itself made Rey snort: she wished Kylo Ren feared her, it would be much better than his obsession with her. His frequent use of their force bond to pop into her life and bother her with attempts at flirtation or attempts to get her to join him, and then, inevitably, anger and weak attempts at manipulation in retaliation to her rejections, were becoming infuriating. When would the man get the message? When would he accept that she knew her own mind and would not be swayed, not even when he attempted to contact her half-nude on those few awful occasions. So here she was: among the red mists and beasts of Dathomir, searching for answers. She did feel guilty for disobeying Leia, but she needed Kylo Ren firmly out of her life and out of her psyche. 

She glared through the misty marshland and up into the red sunlight, shielding her eyes from the striking light with her hand. Before her, a stone pyramid that looked decidedly sentient-made rose from the boggy ground. Perhaps this was an ancient Sith temple? Rey stopped to feel the force. It fluttered around her in the heartbeats of small insects and the flapping desperation of young birds learning to fly, it pulsed in the flow of water and the stagnant bogs’ bubbles rising rhythmically to the surface. The distant nydacks and rancors thrummed with dark life energy, hunger and base urges. Plants decayed slowly into fungi on the earthen ground. And all around her the force was strong, but tainted, it tasted like burning, like ozone, on her tongue. It tasted like dark power. And the structure in front of her? Nowhere was the force more tainted or more powerful. It was like a hulking, drumming sensation in the flow of the force, so strong was it with putrid energy. 

This was the place then. This was where she would find answers, as her vision had indicated. Rey wrapped her lightside energy around her and tried to distance herself from the emotions and urges flickering into her subconscious from this poisoned place. When the dark force presence was battering against her senses less, she allowed herself a smile of success. She was in the right place, and she was able to defend against the Dark side temptations. Of course Leia was wrong about her, she was ready for this. Besides, being free of the taint of Kylo Ren could only be a good thing.

Rey approached the pyramid and placed a hand cautiously on its side, when nothing too ominous happened (aside from the odd screeching noise from a distant rancor chasing its prey), she circled the large structure. She trailed her hand along the outside of the ancient temple the whole way around, dislodging the odd bit of moss or rubble here and there. But there was no obvious route in. No windows or doors. Nothing. Surely, though, there had to be a way in? All of that dark energy lead somewhere, she knew it. She had to find the Sith Holocron, she had to break the force bond with Kylo Ren, she couldn’t cope with many more intrusions in her life, breaking her friendships and not taking “I’d rather date a rathtar” for the rejection it clearly was. Just as she was beginning to feel angry and hopeless thinking about Ren, she noticed a lever, just below her line of vision. How had she not seen that before? She went to push it down, to see if it would open a hidden door somewhere and immediately her vision fizzed away in fluttering grey shapes. 

Where Rey had once been looking at pale stone, tinged pink in the dying red sunlight, she was now looking down a grey tunnel. She walked forwards cautiously. The tunnel got darker the further she walked. When it was almost pitch black and she was no longer sure which way was forwards she saw a red glowing light. Hesitantly, she turned a corner in the tunnel and came face to face with herself, or a version of herself, gripping a double-bladed red lightsaber, a feral grin on vision-her’s face and a confidence in vision-her’s walk. Vision-Rey swaggered over to real Rey, swinging her Red lightsaber around in a playful and slightly menacing display. Then she stood still and regarded Rey thoughtfully.

“Um, hi. Me.” Rey prompted. This was surely some trial she had to complete to gain access to the temple, and she was keen to get it over with, and to get those cruel eyes to stop staring at her.

“Hello little Rey,” Vision-Rey simpered, “I can feel your anger. Your loneliness. Your desire for more. Lean into it, and you can have it all.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Rey tried.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about!” Vision-Rey raged, flashing sharply pointed teeth at Rey. Then her mood changed like the tide, she grinned and said, “You can’t lie to yourself, you’re hurting and you can’t go on like this. Something in your life has to change.”

Rey nodded reluctantly, “Yes, Kylo Ren has to go.”

Vision-Rey nodded frantically, “Yes he does, kill him. Enjoy it. Do it and you will feel love as you have never known. You will have it all, love, acceptance, family, a secure place in the galaxy. Power.”

“I already have those things” Rey replied, hating the shake in her voice. “And I don’t care about Power.”

“Don’t you?” Vision-Rey asked, happily malicious. 

Then she winked and swirled her lightsaber around and within the dark tunnel an image appeared. A shimmering vision within a vision. She was standing on a balcony above millions of people, a huge crowd, all in matching stormtrooper armour, all with their fists over their hearts as a show of loyalty to her. She was surrounded by guards. And just to her side stood a man, she could sense his love for her through the force. It was bright and shining, like a beacon among the waves of loyalty she felt from the arrayed soldier. She felt desire for that man despite the cruelty and cunning she sensed ran through his veins as surely as blood. She tried to see his face but the whole vision crumbled and she was back in the tunnel with Vision-Rey.

“That won’t happen. I’ll never join Kylo Ren.”

Vision-Rey just giggled in response. 

Abruptly the vision fizzled to nothing and Rey found herself exactly where she had been, standing outside the Sith temple, feet in a warm bog. The only change in her environment was to the lever handle, which, upon examination, now felt heavier and seemed to have a small catch. Rey thumbed open the catch, curious in spite of herself. With a small metallic ‘click’ the secret compartment opened and revealed a small red kyber crystal. Rey stared at it in horror. She stepped away. It glinted menacingly in the pink light of the setting Dathomir sun. 

She almost turned around. She almost stalked back through the bog to her waiting X-wing. She almost left Dathomir and its dark energy and its cruel temptations. 

Almost.

Rey took the red kyber crystal. It was just a gemstone. She would never use it, perhaps she’d throw it away as soon as she made it out of the Sith temple, but she suspected she would need it to get in. The crystal was hot to her touch, and as she grasped it, it burned her hand slightly, but she held on tight anyway. Sure enough, as she grasped the smooth, hot gem, a huge door materialized from the stone front of the temple facing her. Here goes nothing, she thought, resignedly, and walked in.

The door spontaneously slammed shut behind her. She turned towards it and attempted to push it. It didn’t budge, so she tried again with the force but still nothing. Well, Rey thought, I guess I have to find what I’m here for first, then try to find a way out. She shrugged and stretched out her arm and leg muscles for a moment, the series of familiar stretches soothed her apprehension about what else this foreboding place had in store for her and she began to jog to the next doorway. 

This one could be pushed open, with a lot of physical effort and a nudge from the force, the door swung open and revealed several starving nydacks huddled together. Their skin was covered in gashes where they had clearly attepted to fight and kill each other in their desperation for any kind of food. Sure enough, there were skeletal nydack corpses littered around this cavernous temple room. Rey took all this in within a seconds, then the nydacks took notice of her and charged. In a split-second Luke’s handed-down lightsaber was in her hand and she was slashing through their coarse skin into their muscled flesh. She decapitated a nydack with the blade, then flipped over another’s powerful, taloned arm which was extended toward her, striking at the air over and over in quick succession as she dodged its intended blows. Rey leapt into the air drawing on the force, tainted though it was in this place, and landed hard ontop of the back of a nydack, plunging her saber into its flesh. It staggered and fell, and she leapt from it’s dying body and attacked another. She was a blur of motion, her face and arms made pale despite their Jakku tan, in the light of the thrashing, wheeling, slashing green blade. Rey landed from a leaping attack and rolled between a nydack’s legs to stab it from behind, her lightsaber plunging past its rib cage from behind. Then she whirled on the final nydack. She ducked under one of its forceful arms as it attempted to grab her. Whilst she was crouched she sliced her lightsaber through its right leg and the beast roared in pain. It flailed even more aggressively, its motions fast and imprecise, but strong. It was no match for Rey. Within seconds the final nydack fell.

Rey breathed deeply and attempted to centre herself. She wiped a thin sheen of sweat from her forehead. A pile of nydack corpses were arrayed around her where she stood in the centre of the atrium, their wounds steaming and stinking of cooked meat from lightsaber cauterization. She toed their corpses with her foot, to ensure all of them were truly deceased. They were. She sighed with relief and relaxed her stance, deactivating Luke’s lightsaber and clipping it back on her belt. 

On to the next room then. The large atrium had many doors and Rey began to jog towards one before she paused and considered logically that perhaps she should use the force as her guide to the holocron instead of running around like a crazed fathier. She returned to a spot near the centre of the room, beside the nydack corpses, where she could see every door that lead on from the atrium. She tried to ignore the corpses as she dropped into a cross-legged position and attempted to meditate. However, the pool of Rey’s thoughts was disrupted, what was normally a still pond felt like a sea amidst a storm. Rey tried to still her thoughts, to ignore the smell. To stop worrying about Leia and her friends’ reactions to her unsanctioned Dathomir trip. To stop worrying about her friendship with Finn. To stop worrying about what Vision-Rey had shown her, and the guilty thrill she had felt at seeing herself in front the stormtrooper army and the attraction to that man. That wasn’t her. That wasn’t who she was. And she would certainly never be attracted to Kylo Ren. This planet was messing with her sense of self. Perhaps Leia was right, and she shouldn’t have come. Leia usually was right afterall… Rey was beginning to feel despairing, she’d never be able to meditate with all these thoughts, and that meant no holocron, and that meant no getting rid of Kylo Ren, and that meant she had disobeyed Leia for no kriffing reason! 

Just as she had that thought she felt a human presence in the force right next to her. Kylo Ren’s unwanted presence to be precise.

“Rey? Where are you? Your force signature is disturbed.”

“None of your kriffing business. Leave me alone.” Rey retorted.

“Are you still angry with me about the traitor?” Ren asked softly.

“His name is Finn,” Rey ground out.

“That’s a yes then. You should join me, then you wouldn’t get hit on my scum like him.”

“Can you hear yourself?”

“… I know where you are. I’ve felt these energies before. You’re on Dathomir. Why are you on Dathomir, Rey?” he asked, almost kindly.

With a huge burst of angry, panicked Force energy Rey shut down the force bond connection to Ren before he could figure out anything else. She had never been able to do that before. But this was not good, she didn’t have time to think about that fortuitous new ability: the First Order would be here sooner rather than later now that their Supreme Leader had her location. And his power would surely only be strengthened by Dathomir’s natural dark side affiliation.

Rey opened her eyes as she gave up meditating and rose to her feet. She turned to leave then blinked in shock and turned back around. Ahead of her a door had opened and through it a pyramid shaped object hovered in an orange glow atop an inscribed podium. The holocron! She ran toward it and grabbed it recklessly, fully expecting another vision to assault her senses. Instead she heard a whisper. Rey had the distinct sensation the voice she heard was not speaking Basic, yet it made sense to her.

“You are strong enough for this knowledge, young jedi. Have pride. There is but one way to end a force bond known to the Sith. One party must betray the other, kill them in cold blood, then desecrate the corpse by burning it in unholy fire. It must be done with hatred in your heart. This way the bond will not continue into the afterlife of either party and... you will be free.”

Rey swallowed heavily. Well that sounded pretty scary and evil. She wasn’t sure she could do any of that. But all that mattered right now was getting out of the temple and back to her ‘borrowed’ X-wing before the First Order got here. She ran toward the main entrance of the temple and found the doors now wide open, so at least that wouldn’t be a problem. She ran. Red kyber crystal in one hand, Sith holocron in the other. She splashed through the murky bog in a hurricane of forward momentum, she tore through undergrowth and terrified all manner of small creatures in a star-destroyer sized radius around her. As she ran flat out to the open clearing of red rock where her X-wing awaited her she noticed a small shuttle parked just behind it. Turds. This was not good. She came to a stop and reached out with the force, who was onboard that shuttle? She just got a faint sensation of a single male human aboard the shuttle with a sharp cunning mind, when there was a loud cracking sound. 

Just before Rey could realize that the crack had been a rock hitting her in the head everything went black.


	2. Dealing with Devils

Groggily, Rey opened her eyes. Her vision was murky. Her head was killing her. There was a bright light above her and a foggy black and orange shape in front of her. What was going on? Why couldn’t she remember? She went to touch her painful head and found she couldn’t. Her arms were bound. She tugged but the metal cuffs were not budging. She felt fear build in her gut—

“I’m glad to see you’re awake. I’ll pre-empt your next question: you’re still on Dathomir. You’re aboard my personal Upsilon-class shuttle with only my most trusted men. You’ve only been unconscious around 20 minutes. Now, I brought you here to discuss—”

“I recognise you… You’re the Starkiller!” Rey realized. “I have nothing to say to you,” she said with disgust, she went to fold her arms but found they were still bound.

“Well that’s fortunate, because I have quite a lot I’d like to say to you, so if you’d listen carefully—”

“I could use the force to break free of these restraints, you know that right?”

“I thought you had nothing to say to me.” The man’s stoic expression twitched as he spoke, but with what emotion Rey couldn’t tell. “Yes, you could. And I could have had you killed whilst you were unconscious.”

Rey felt a chill as she realized the truth of these words. 

“Then why didn’t you? I’m sure your Supreme Leader would reward you, Hux.” Rey spat.

“That’s General Hux to you, Resistance scum.” Hux sneered, then his face blanked again and he continued, “But yes, he’d probably reward me by not force choking me or murdering any of my men in his petty temper tantrums for at least a few cycles. How wonderful for me.”

“What do you want?” Rey glared. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Nor I you, but it seems our goals may coincide.”

“I don’t want anything you want.” Rey stated pulling on the force to free her shackled limbs. She rubbed her wrists and marched to the exit ramp of the shuttle.

“No?” Hux asked, from behind her. “You don’t want Kylo Ren dead?”

Rey turned, “What do you know about that?” she asked cautiously.

“I know you have force visions of each other: I’ve seen him speaking to you when no one is there. I’m guessing your responses aren’t to his liking because his episodes of speaking to thin air in command meetings are usually followed by bouts of destruction to my ship and property. I know that you, a lone Jedi, have come to Dathomir, a haven of the ancient Sith, presumably seeking a way to stop Kylo Ren from bothering you. And I know that you reek of desperation. I can help you help yourself.”

“I do not reek of desperation.” Rey responded indignantly.

“You’re talking to me.” Hux responded smoothly with a self-deprecating snort.

“Not anymore. I’m leaving.” Rey went to leave then hesitated, why wasn’t Hux trying to stop her?

“Don’t let me stop you.” Hux said as though he had read her mind. 

“You don’t want to capture me?” Rey asked confused.

“I wanted to make a deal. I now see that you are not amenable to reason.”

“You’re not going to stop me leaving?”

“Have I hurt your ego? Sorry Jedi, you’re not my type.” Hux deadpanned.

For the first time in their discussion Rey sensed deception from Hux, which was… weird. 

Hux continued unknowing of her perception, “But if you change your mind about killing Kylo Ren, comm me. Oh, and don’t forget these: nice kyber crystal by the way. Just what I’d expect a Jedi to be carrying.” He smirked.

With that Hux threw a series of small objects at Rey, which she deftly caught without thinking. Right; a comm, her red kyber crystal and the holocron.

“I’m actually leaving.” Rey said firmly.

“Go on then, I’ve not got all day.” Hux responded eyebrow raised pointedly.

Rey emerged onto the rocky surface of Dathomir, heart beating fast and head pulsing with dull pain. She looked over her shoulder, she couldn’t see Hux inside the shuttle, but a group of troopers and another First Order officer were stood around outside the shuttle. They glanced up at her and she prepared herself for a fight. Then they looked away, paying her no mind. Ok then?

Rey shook herself from the urge to walk up to them and demand they stop being weird. Instead she walked to her X-Wing, climbed inside and shut the hatch. No one had followed her. This was all too surreal. She placed the holocron and kyber crystal in a compartment below the ship dashboard. Then she fiddled with the comm for a moment as she made herself comfortable wiggling into the pilot seat. Part of her wanted to call Hux straight away and ask what the stars he thought he was doing. Why had he shown her mercy even after she’d basically rejected his offer? Was he so convinced she would kill Kylo for him? Was she even capable of that? Certainly not in the way the holocron had demanded. She couldn’t kill someone outside of battle. Could she? 

Though there had been that one time on Jakku… Another scavenger had stolen her haul and she had felt such rage faced with another week of painful hunger. She had fought him off her components, but even after she had won the fight, she had carried on fighting, only snapping out of her rage when the male Twi’lek begged her for mercy, scrabbling backward on the sandy ground, terror in his eyes. As he ran away, he had muttered about ‘crazy schutta’ under his breath. She still regretted that day and felt fear even now at how her desperation and anger had nearly caused her to take a life. But to manipulate Kylo, betray him, kill him in cold blood, desecrate his remains… That was too much. Wasn’t it? Surely she wasn’t capable of it. 

Rey slammed her head onto her arms atop the dashboard. She had too many questions and she needed to speak to Leia about all of this as soon as she could. A tiny nagging guilty sensation caught in her gut: Hux. It felt like their meeting had been a secret between them. But that was ridiculous, Rey didn’t owe Hux anything for the simple mercy of not having his trooper kill her whilst she was unconscious. The strange camaraderie she had felt he was offering was just that, strange, and most likely a manipulation. For Stars sake! He was the reason she was unconscious in the first place! She had no reason to feel anything but contempt and disgust for him. And she didn’t. Feel anything but those things that is.

Rey angrily keyed in the co-ordinates for Ajan Kloss and stuffed the comm into a small pouch on her belt. She would get rid of it later. She piloted the X-wing up through the atmosphere and into space, once she was suitably far from the gravitational pull of Dathomir she hit engage on the hyperdrive and was engulphed in the blue-white blur of hyperspace. Then she went through some breathing exercises Leia had told her to use to calm herself before attempting meditation in the past. She breathed deeply and took in her surroundings. The blur of hyperspace and the shuttle around her, the smell of space: indescribable, the sound of whooshing through the galaxy, the taste of her mouth: dry and a bit gross - she hadn’t been able to complete basic hygiene rituals on Dathomir. Then she took in more of the sensations within her body. Primarily there was hunger, gnawing and depressingly familiar. There was also a slightly strained, heavy feeling in some of her muscles that she hadn’t noticed before, she assumed this was due to her fight with the nydacks and her long run across the surface of Dathomir. She frowned and used the force to help her muscles repair quicker. The familiar tingle of healing washed over her. A shame she couldn’t do anything about the hunger.

Rey popped out of hyperspace into the familiar star system that housed Ajan Kloss. She piloted her way back to the resistance base with apprehension. How much trouble would she be in? She was about to find out.

Rey landed on the grass just beyond the resistance hangar in the evening light of Ajan Kloss. She opened the hatch and quietly climbed out. She was scared, but she needed to go straight to Leia and explain herself. It was the right thing to do.

“—An X-wing just landed over there! Rey!”

“That’s my bloody X-wing! She stole my X-wing!”

“Relax Poe, she’s brought it back.” Rey recognised Finn’s voice.

Damn it. She was hoping she could avoid this argument.

“Hi Finn,” she waved weakly as they rushed over, “Hey Poe.”

“Don’t you ‘hey Poe’ me!” Poe replied, “You stole my personal, modified X-wing, I spent days working on that, and I thought I was never getting it back!”

“Well, here it is, you’re getting it back.” Rey responded sheepishly in a weak attempt at humour.

“Rey, I thought… After our conversation, I thought you were leaving. For good, you know?” Finn said wringing his hands.

“I’m sorry Finn, I should have told you where I was going…”

“You think!?” Poe shouted, protective of Finn as ever, “he was distraught Rey, you were so selfish!”

“I wasn’t distraught.” Finn responded defensively, folding his arms. At a look from Poe he continued “well, a little bit distraught I guess.”

“I’m sorry.” Rey said earnestly, “I just wanted to find a way to fix a… problem.”

Poe opened his mouth to argue or perhaps ask what problem could be that important.

“Finn knows what the problem is. I really can’t talk about it again, I’ve already explained it to Leia and Finn.”

Now Poe looked to Finn, “So I’m the only one left out of the loop? Wonderful.” Poe threw his hands up and stalked off.

“That went about as well as I could have hoped.” Rey said quietly.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were going?” Finn asked, hurt.

“I’m sorry, I just thought you might try to stop me too.”

Finn sulked for a moment, then he reluctantly (Rey could tell) asked, “Did you find out anything about the force bond.”

“Yes, so much happened, I found a holocron. And it told me—" she began.

“You found a Sith holocron?” Finn repeated, slowly.

“yes— and then you’ll never guess wh—"

“Don’t you have to be strong in the dark side of the force to open a Sith holocron?” Finn asked dubiously, “I’m sure I read that somewhere, or Leia told us when she was teaching us about force artefacts.”

Rey’s thoughts caught on how easy it had been to hear the Sith holocron, she hadn’t even had to try to open it, it just spoke to her… What did that mean? No, it was all just chance. It had to be. She was trying so hard to be peaceful and calm and to do good. It was a blip, something in the atmosphere around Dathomir perhaps…

“I… I need to speak to Leia.” Rey stated.

“Ok, I’ll come with you, I was meaning to ask her about that new lightsaber technique she showed us, Ataru, you were so good at that, I think I need some more help to master it—”

Rey could tell that Finn was going to talk for a while so she reluctantly interrupted, “I think I need to speak to Leia alone.”

“Oh, ok.” Finn responded glumly.

“I’m sorry, I’ll catch up with you later?” She called as she began to jog towards Leia’s office.

“Uh, yeah sure.” Finn replied.

Rey ran through the resistance base trying to ignore the disapproving looks of her friends and acquaintances as she wove between tents and semi-permanent structures. Clearly it had become common knowledge that she had disobeyed orders. Eventually she came to the corrugated plastisteel ‘walls’ of Leia’s office. She knocked on the door.

“Come in Rey.” Leia called.

Rey tried to get a read on Leia’s mood from her force presence, but it was closed off to her, all she had to go on was the General’s tone of voice. That didn’t bode well.

“Hi Leia,” Rey responded sheepishly, feeling as nervous as the first time she had stood before Unkar Plutt and tried to haggle for more portions.

Leia opened her mouth to speak.

“I’m so sorry.” Rey gushed before Leia could speak, “I know that I should not have done that, not at least without telling you first, but I was so scared to tell you I was going anyway, even though you told me not to. I didn’t want you to be angry. And now you’re probably even angrier. I’m so sorry, I just wanted him out of my head, out of my life, he’s ruining everything for me.”

“Rey, breathe.” Leia responded firmly, “Firstly, I’m glad you seem to be ok, at least, physically. Secondly, yes I’m angry, but I’m more relieved that we have you back. I thought for a moment— it doesn’t matter… I was worried.”

“Oh,” Rey sobbed, “Thank you.”

Leia hugged Rey, and Rey, unused to physical affection as she was, leaned in and squeezed back.

“You don’t have to thank people for worrying about you Rey, you’re like family to me, of course I worry.”

Rey smiled, behind her tears.

“I thought you might not want me back.”

“Oh Rey, I will never tell you to leave.” Leia responded, “Though I do have to ask, what happened on Dathomir, you were gone days?”

“The force was… strange. I spent a few days just trying to follow the worst taint in the force I could find.” Leia blanched at that and Rey felt even more guilty, but she attempted to hold her head high and continue recounting “Eventually I found a temple, there was a Sith holocron in it.”

“And you have the holocron?” 

“Yes.”

“Did you open it? Did it speak to you?”

“Yes, its spoke to me.” Leia frowned and Rey felt sick, “Finn said that means I must be strong in the dark side of the force for it to speak to me, but I think it was just chance, I was panicking at the time so I think it was maybe just that strong emotion…”

Leia levelled her with a look. “You need to work on your affiliation to the light side.”

Rey felt a queasy sinking sensation in her stomach, “Yes master, I’ll train harder.”

“What did the holocron tell you?” Leia asked.

“To end the force bond…” Rey couldn’t tell Kylo Ren’s mother what she would have to do, estranged and on opposite sides of a war though they were, she just couldn’t, “one of us has to kill the other.”

“That’s it?” Leia asked sceptically.

“That’s it.” Rey hid her lie in the force.

Leia looked at her with mistrust. Rey felt like she would imminently throw up. She couldn’t mention Hux, not now, not when Hux had let her go without a fight, it was too suspicious, who knows what Leia would think then…

“Did anything else happen?” Leia asked.

Rey wrapped her falsehood in the force so Leia wouldn’t sense it a second time, “No, nothing else. Aside from fighting a few rancors and nydacks.”

Leia nodded dubiously, “Go and get some sleep Rey.”

“Yes General.” Rey replied, “Actually, can I get some food first?” 

“You don’t need to ask me for permission to eat, Rey.”

“Right.” 

Rey wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to just being able to eat whenever she was hungry, or even just wanted food. And despite the bubbling nausea in her stomach she knew she would be able to stomach whatever was on the menu today, she never had a problem eating, even when she was very ill, food was too important and had been too scarce for too long to be something she would ever waste. She entered the large tent where food was served, grabbed a plate and stood in a small line to be served.

A Rodian she didn’t know well served her a plate full of green vegetables and an unknown animal’s meat.

“Thought you left the resistance for good, I did. Thought you went to join the First Order with that ghost you keep talking to.” The Rodian mumbled in his gravelly voice.

“Well, here I am, back here, so I guess you’re wrong.” She responded rudely.

“Guess I am, I am I guess.” He responded.

She shot him a parting glare and dropped down at a circular table to inhale her food. She had tried to eat slowly many times, but it just didn’t come naturally to her, she was always scared the food would disappear if she took her time over it, an irrational fear certainly, but one she couldn’t overcome.

With her food consumed and her plate tidied away Rey walked to her small tent. She lay down in her single-occupancy sleeping bag and ran through the events of the day in her mind. There was too much to think about. The force bond and the brutal way it had to be ended. Vision-Rey and her promise of love and acceptance… and power. The fact the holocron had responded to her touch. Hux. Leia. Kylo Ren. Her thoughts swirled until she fell asleep in a haze of worry and dreamed of a snowy landscape and the end of all of her resistance friends at her own hand. She woke up hyperventilating in the night and wished she had someone with her to calm her down. It took her a while to get back to sleep after that and a pervading sense of loneliness settled in her bones that she would be unable to shake for some time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come and speak to me on tumblr quinnwrites.tumblr.com


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